Normally, the “Am I the Asshole” subreddit is full of harrowing stories of people doing absolutely terrible things (and then having to ask if they were in the wrong, which makes it even worse). But today’s story is much gentler.
Basically, redditor u/Even_Tangerine_4201 admitted in a post that he keeps calendar reminders on his phone to ask his wife about things going on in her life. He says that his wife is great about “checking in” on him, but he doesn’t always remember to check in with her about things that are happening in her life.
“Of course, sometimes I DO remember that she was having that big meeting at work today or that her aunt was having a surgery or whatever, and I ask about it over dinner,” he wrote. “But more often than I am proud to admit, I get lost in my stuff and forget about hers. So, a couple years ago I started setting reminders in my calendar so I wouldn’t forget. Needless to say, I did not tell her I was doing this. Until now it’s worked really well. Often I don’t even need the reminder — just creating it helps the event stick in my active memory.”
What prompted him to ask “AITA?” was that recently, his wife saw one of the notifications pop up on his phone, reminding him to ask her how she was feeling about her upcoming dental procedure.
“I wouldn’t say she thinks I’m a full-blown asshole,” he explained. “But she definitely found it weird and off-putting that I would need a system like that when she doesn’t and nobody else does. I kind of agree with her. It never felt like a deep dark secret, but on the other hand, there’s obviously a reason I never told her or anyone else I was doing it. Still, taking action to make sure I show consideration and concern for stuff that matters to her has to be better than continuing to forget, right?”
Just about everyone in the comments agree that neither the husband nor the wife are assholes. He’s making an effort to engage with his wife more and support her, but it’s okay if she felt a little weird about the method at first.
And I agree! When you’re a working adult, it can be hard enough to remember what’s going on in YOUR OWN life and schedule, much less remembering what’s going on in your partner’s! While some people might not see this as the most “romantic” thing in the world, I actually think it’s super wholesome. If anything, it takes as much effort to create the notifications in the first place as it does to remember things yourself later.
In fact, other commenters even mentioned how their own spouses do similar things, like this person and their husband’s sticky notes:
Or this person, who had a reminder to compliment their husband every day, which is SO SWEET: