Yeah, you’re more than just uppers and trauma.
Exactly. I’m just going to have some fun after this and just make music that doesn’t have to be this whole grandiose story. Because, sometimes, my music is written about other people’s love, or just being in a good mood, or whatever. It’ll just be something that I feel inside of myself, so I tap into whatever that is and have that really do the talking for me.
As an aside, I also wanted to say that I admire where you are on your journey, and how you’ve been able to go out and do shows. Personally, I’ve withdrawn from the whole after-hours, underground warehouse thing, partially because I know I’ll always say yes to a bump, but also because it’s been so fucking hard to lose all these people to fentanyl and shit. Survivor’s guilt, I guess.
I’m with you on the survivor’s guilt. Being sober though, I actually feel protected in those spaces, and I think it’s important for there to be some rave soldiers out there who offer some sort of guidance and are safe people to be around. To keep an eye out and know that I’m always here to help.
But it’s also important for people like us to also have fun. So I try to just go and dance, and perform, and DJ, and it’s beautiful. Sometimes though, I do go to parties and that’s when those thoughts can creep in, so you’re not alone in those things either. I’m not immune at the same time. There’s no such thing as “cured.”
*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.