If loving a good David Pecker joke is wrong, Jessica Williams doesn’t want to be right. The former Daily Show senior correspondent dropped by her old stomping grounds on Monday to weigh in on Donald Trump’s hush-money trial—and to tell former boss Jon Stewart to stop complaining.
Stewart started off his Monday monologue by calling out the many media outlets who are tracking Trump’s every move surrounding the trial, including his daily drive from Midtown to Lower Manhattan to simply arrive at the courthouse (with helicopters tracking his vehicle’s every last turn).
“Seriously, are we gonna follow this guy to court every fucking day,” Stewart wanted to know. “Are you trying to make this O.J.? It’s not a chase. He’s commuting.”
After sharing more riveting accounts of the way Trump craned his neck in court, and whether his eyes were closed when the courtroom sketch artist captured him, Stewart had clearly had enough.
“Look, at some point in this trial, something important and revelatory is going to happen,” predicted Stewart. “But none of us are going to notice because [of] the hours spent on his speculative facial tics. If the media tries to make us feel like the most mundane bullshit is earth-shattering, we won’t believe you when it’s really interesting.”
But Williams wasn’t about to let Stewart ruin all the fun. “Ok, ok, we get it,” she yelled, crashing Stewart’s monologue.
Initially, the host seemed excited to see his old colleague and asked if she had a report to file from outside Trump’s trial. But she did him one better.
“Here’s my report: Jon Stewart hates fun,” Williams said.
When Stewart attempted to explain why he was so bothered by the media coverage of the event, Williams cut him off.
“We need this messy bullshit spectacle,” said Williams. “Every other news story is a massive bummer. This Trump trial is like an open window in a Greyhound bus full of farts. Why you trying to close the window, Jon? Why are you trying to make us smell farts?”
Stewart denied he would ever do any such thing, but Williams wasn’t buying it:
“This trial is a gift. An extremely gross old man/former president might go to prison for banging a porn star and trying to pay her off,” she stated matter-of-factly. “Jon, the first witness’ name is David Pecker.”
“I mean it’s David Pecker,” Williams continued. “Pecker is slang for weiner, Jon! It’s a pee-pee. A peeper. A dingle, a dongle, a flippity bitch.”
While the two debated the matter for a few minutes longer, Williams ultimately had to run when she thought she saw “Pecker across the street.”
“David Pecker?” Stewart asked.
“I’m not sure whose penis it is actually,” Williams admitted. And with that, this grand reunion nearly a decade in the making was over.